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From Paris to the Palisades: God’s Purpose for Our Limits

Ivan and I were extremely blessed to close 2024 in Paris as a delayed honeymoon/ninth anniversary. Since we got married while Ivan was in grad school and I was working full-time, our wedding fell on December 30th, 2015, and we returned to work and school on January 2nd. At the time, we were extremely grateful to be married, and didn’t mind postponing our honeymoon for a few months until our finances and free time were more conducive. Then my accident happened, and our married life took a wildly different turn from anything we could’ve imagined. But a few months ago, we realized we’d accumulated enough travel points from the international trips Ivan’s led for work to cover a short anniversary trip to Paris and make up for the honeymoon we never took. 

While we were in Paris, I imagined coming home and writing about the cultural and historical tours we took, or the food we sampled, or possibly reprise an old post about attempting to speak French. Daily metro trips also offered a wellspring of amusement and frustration. But when we got back to the States, we were confronted almost immediately with news of fires cropping up across Southern California. Living in a fire-prone region ourselves, I assumed that they’d be contained quickly and life would go on. This has not been the case. What at first looked like “just more fires” have now become the most destructive wildfires in Southern California’s history. 

There is a connection that strikes me as I consider the apparent contradiction between the centuries of art and architecture that we admired in France and the devastation that continues to occur relatively close to home. That connection is the human quest for control. Whether we were roaming the historic Marais district in Paris, admiring 18th century palaces and gardens tucked nonchalantly among 21st century boutiques, or visiting the baroque Vaux-le-Vicomte chateau that was so opulent that Louis XIV banished its owner and built Versailles as the ultimate putdown, our guides highlighted their ancestors’ quest to project power and control through highly-stylized gardens, extravagant architecture, and artistic perfection. 

We might smile patronizingly at the notion that an expertly-pruned hedge proved man’s mastery over nature, but is that so very different from our twenty-first century obsession with science and technology? We have made many stunning scientific advancements, but countless diseases remain uncured, and natural disasters like Hurricane Helene and the SoCal fires remind us of our human finitude. Even if we have the technology to predict an oncoming storm, we are relatively powerless in the face of its fury. And although we live in a fire-prone state and are aware of the protocols that should be in place to keep us safe, an extended period of worst-case scenarios is highlighting both human error and the limits which are inherent in even the best manmade plans.

So what do we make of our limits, as Christ-followers? Do we give up on art, architecture, and science as meaningless in the face of tragedy? How do we answer the question of why God allows us to make so much progress in certain areas, while remaining relatively powerless in others? More practically, how to we respond wisely in the midst of a crisis that is ongoing? 

For me, answering the first question involves examining why I’m engaging in a particular activity. For the French culture we were observing, they used both art and science to “prove” they could control nature. Many people in our post-Christian culture also pursue their goals for self-centered reasons. However, if I’m reading, or writing, or playing music because I believe that will please God, or help me know him more, or serve those around me, then that’s a fruitful way to spend my time.

As to why God allows us to make progress in certain areas of science and technology while being limited in others – I believe he does this to remind us of our humanity. This is true whether or not we openly acknowledge him as creator. The fact that some riddles of our universe remain unsolvable, and that man, no matter how much he prepares, will always face annihilation by an avalanche, earthquake, or fire, confronts even the most resistant of us with the uncomfortable truth that we are not our own masters. On the positive side, God, in his infinite wisdom, also gave us dominion over the earth and made us his stewards. Although he periodically uses nature to keep us from exalting ourselves too high – that does not mean he wants us to give up on our mission, especially as believers.

Finally, how do we respond wisely in the face of yet more bad news like the fires in Southern California? It’s tempting to keep scrolling if the tragedy is not in our part of the country or world. But that is not how God calls us to respond as Christ-followers. The very least – and also the very most –  we can do is pray for God’s intervention. I’m confident that I’m preaching to the choir here, based on all the prayers that Ivan and I have been blessed to receive over the years. The next practical step is to see if your church is doing anything to help. I recommend starting with the church, because ideally the people in the affected area would hear the gospel as well as receive practical aid. Also, your church may be aware of churches in the affected area who need help or encouragement, and could provide targeted information about how to serve those brothers and sisters. Finally, if you’ve checked out your church or churches in your area, there are also many secular humanitarian organizations that provide avenues for donating and volunteering. Not everyone can help with every crisis, but the important part is that we stay fervent in prayer, ask the Lord for soft hearts, and are willing to serve however he leads.

Ivan and I realize that some of our Blogging Family are located in Southern California, and we grieve for you and with you. We pray for God’s protection over you spiritually, emotionally, and physically during this time, including protection of property and restoration of what’s been lost. He is able to grant the peace that transcends understanding, and to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think. 

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Immanuel, Revisited

“O Come, O Come, Immanuel,” is one of my favorite Christmas carols. A musical child, I was first arrested by its haunting melody.  Later, its plaintive lyrics resonated with my teenage contemplations. As an adult, I’m even more captivated by these elements and also heartened by the final stanza’s call for Christ to return and right the world once and for all.

But as I consider what “Immanuel” – God with us  – has meant to me over the years, I’ve also come to realize Mary and Joseph’s experience of God’s presence was likely different from what we imagine.  

The gospel of Luke tells us that Joseph and Mary traveled to Bethlehem to comply with a Roman census, where Mary gave birth to Jesus in a stable because the inns were full. While this chain of events fulfilled the prophecy that Jesus would be born in Bethlehem, there’s no prophecy stating Jesus had to be born in a stable. 

Mary got an angelic message announcing she would bear the Savior of the world, and Joseph got a dream reassuring him that Mary’s child was the Son of God, not the result of her infidelity. But neither of them got additional information on the specifics surrounding Jesus’ birth. Instead, as Mary’s time approached, they found themselves faced with a 90-mile trek teeming with wild animals and robbers, not to mention the possibility that Mary could give birth along the way. 

Furthermore, have you considered the social pressure they must have endured throughout Mary’s pregnancy? Unwed motherhood carried the death penalty in biblical times. Although Mary and Joseph could infer from their angelic messages that Mary’s life would be spared, her survival wouldn’t have protected them from severe stigma.

Giving birth in a stable after an arduous, 90-mile trek and nine months of false accusations (or worse), must have felt like rock bottom for Joseph and Mary, even if they’d been told their baby would be the savior of the world. It’s also interesting that as far as we know they never saw the “heavenly hosts” that appeared to the shepherds, or the star that guided the wise men. Nevertheless, I’m sure that visitors who joyfully acknowledged their baby’s identity were a welcome relief.

But it’s also relevant to note that the historical story of Joseph, Mary, and Jesus doesn’t end at the manger. The gospel of Matthew tells us that the wise men alerted King Herod to the fact that there was potentially a new “king of the Jews” on the scene, and he ruthlessly murdered all baby boys under 2 years old in Bethlehem.

But what did the massacre mean for Joseph and Mary? Although Matthew tells us an angel alerted Joseph ahead of time, and the family escaped to Egypt, have you imagined what their exile must have been like? They’d just endured the stigma of an unwed pregnancy and given birth in horrific conditions, only to receive unlooked-for encouragement through supernatural intervention. Just when things were starting to look brighter, Mary and Joseph found themselves fleeing to a foreign country – and not just any foreign country, but one with almost a thousand years of animosity toward their own. A place where no one spoke their language, let alone worshiped their God. Mentioning their son was going to be the Savior of the world was off the table.

My point in highlighting these aspects of the Christmas story is not to make things sound unduly negative, but to suggest that our concept of what “God with us” means could be broadened. Mary and Joseph had at least four direct supernatural encounters (the visit from the angel Gabriel and Joseph’s three dreams), and the incredible privilege of watching Jesus grow from infancy to adulthood. But these supernatural events occurred relatively close together, and we know little about the rest of their lives.

In my own life, although God has worked supernaturally twice, I still deal with physical limitations and relational stressors that have made recent months challenging. When we’re discouraged, it’s easy to focus on the high points – whether the ones we read about in Scripture, or see around us – and compare our assumptions of God’s presence in others’ lives with our experience of God’s presence in our own. The truth is God is always with us, whether we feel him there or not. 

Luke 2:19 tells us, “But Mary kept all these things in her heart, and she thought about them often.”

Most likely, Jesus looked and acted like a regular baby, at least initially. Raising her first child in a hostile foreign country couldn’t have been easy.  But Mary had seen God’s power displayed unmistakably, and she was committed to renewing her mind. 

Whatever this season holds for each of us, I pray we will make a practice of calling to mind what God has already done, both as revealed in Scripture as well as in our own lives and the lives of those we love.

O come, desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease
And be Thyself our King of peace

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

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Where the Pressure Lies: Reflections on 8 Years

Today marks the eighth anniversary of my accident. Comparing December 3rd, 2024, with December 3rd, 2023, I can honestly say that God has radically transformed my life. Today, I no longer have seizures or experience severe spiritual warfare. I recently got my driver’s license. I continue re-learning to play violin. Although I still face severe migraines and other neurological deficits, my quality of life looks drastically different from what I could have imagined 365 days ago. But these divine interventions also beg the question, What about the suffering and uncertainty we endured during those first seven years?

From a human perspective, it would have seemed more humane for God to heal my seizures immediately, or at least shortly after they started, rather than allowing us to agonize over possible causes and cures for so long. Not to mention the social isolation we experienced due to my severe light sensitivity. Since I’m not God, I can’t say with certainty why he chose to act the way he did, but I have a few guesses: 

  1. Exhausting our human medical options forced us to look to God alone for our “daily bread,” whether that took the form of healing, partial improvement, or just the grace to endure joyfully no matter our outward circumstances. 
  2. Our intense suffering increased our empathy for others’ hidden hurts. Seizures are invisible unless they’re happening, and brain injury deficits and stroke fatigue are even more subtle. They may not manifest until hours after I’ve been pushed past my limits. Depending on how far I’ve been stretched, I may have to spend a day or two recovering. These “invisible” challenges increased my awareness that others might also be experiencing secret pain, whether physical or emotional.
  3. Those years of suffering drove home that God is both sovereign and kind, no matter how he chose to work in our lives. While we knew he could end our suffering at any time, the most straightforward path seemed like a medical intervention. However, we also knew a couple of people with seizures who were unable to find a medical solution, and eventually decided this must be God’s plan for us as well. But no matter how our earthly lives unfolded, we were still certain that God was good, kind, and for us because he’d already provided eternal salvation through Jesus’ death on the cross. The Apostle Paul writes:  

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?  Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself.” ~ Romans 8:31-33

The promise that God will give us “everything else” means something unique for every person’s story.  In our case, we assumed “everything else” meant spiritual blessings because we’d exhausted all our medical resources. But God was only asking us to wait. It was essential for us to run out of human options so there would be no shadow of a doubt about Who accomplished my healings.

So what does the promise God will give us “everything else” mean for those who’ve lost a loved one, or are facing unemployment, or have endured severe disabilities for decades? God’s thoughts and ways are infinitely higher than ours, and if he is allowing pain in our lives, it is because there is a loving purpose that our pain is somehow his perfect tool to accomplish. If God didn’t hesitate to crush his precious Son on our behalf, then there is no good thing he would withhold from us – if that thing is what we truly need. And if he does withhold it, then there is something about our desire that he sees but we cannot.

This is the hardest lesson that Ivan and I have had to learn over the years. If I’m being honest, I haven’t learned it yet. But I hope I learn it a little bit more with each trial God allows. This quote from Hudson Taylor, a 19th century missionary to China, continues to encourage me in moments of pain and weakness:

“It does not matter how great the pressure is. What really matters is where the pressure lies – whether it comes between you and God, or whether it presses it you nearer His heart.”

Thank you all so much for praying for us and walking with us for the past eight years! We’re so grateful for your love and support, and can’t wait to see what the next year will bring!

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“Hello, God:” Holiday Update

Happy Thanksgiving, Blogging Family! As you may remember, we’d hoped to release Hello, God, our 31-day devotional on prayer, during the holidays. However, one of our team members has been experiencing some health issues, and we’ve decided to delay the book’s release until Spring 2025. I alluded to this change in an earlier post, but at that point we didn’t have an updated timeline. We’ll continue keeping you up to speed as we nail down more specific dates. I’m also hoping to share sneak peaks of chapters and illustrations as we get closer.

In the meantime, thank you so much for your patience, prayers and support! We’re excited to see what the Lord will do in the New Year!

Need to catch up on the story behind Hello, God? Explore the book’s unusual inspiration here. And check out our more recent co-author update here.

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A Licensed Driver!

“Please – I just got my picture taken three minutes ago. Does that mean we can leave and my driver’s license will come in the mail?”

The DMV manager – no doubt frazzled by an onslaught of similar questions – shrugged.

“I don’t know what to tell you. Computers are down statewide. You could hang around to see if the system comes back up, or you could come back tomorrow and restart your application.” She spun on her heel abruptly to signal our conversation was over. 

Her words threatened to extinguish my sputtering hopes like a bucket of ice water. My original road test – scheduled for October 14th – had been canceled after I arrived due to an administrative mix up. At the time, we’d been told it would be several weeks before we could expect my case to be reviewed, or the test rescheduled. 

But God intervened, and last Monday we received a nondescript envelope in the mail  from the DMV. This puzzled me since we’d been told to expect a phone call to discuss my current medical status in greater detail. The envelope’s contents were even more puzzling: All it contained was a form letter stating I could renew my driver’s license at any DMV field office. This seemed like another administrative error since there was no mention of a road test; however, when I called the next morning to verify, the voice on the phone assured me that the letter was correct. My medical case had been been closed. We’ll never know what changed between the test being canceled on October 14th and then waived last week, other than God wanted to teach us extra patience – and give me extra time practicing my driving skills. And I practice for tests very seriously! 

In God’s good timing, Ivan was available to take me to the DMV last Wednesday afternoon. This is significant because Ivan’s work schedule has evolved a lot this semester. School technically ends at 3 pm, but between private piano students and administrative duties, he often works late or returns to school at night. Hence my dismay at the DMV manager’s suggestion that we restart my license application on a different day. It could be weeks before we had another open afternoon.

Oh Lord, I prayed. We’ve waited so long. First there was the road test cancellation, and then you intervened to take that off the table. A statewide system shut-down is nothing to you, Lord. Please, if there is some way, any way, please let us leave with my license today. 

The manager told the disgruntled crowd that everyone waiting for driver’s licenses should go home and come back a different day. They’d keep processing car registrations, but licenses were over. I kept praying. The clerk who had been processing our application when the system crashed quietly told us not to leave. Ivan and I ambled back to the rows of blue plastic chairs and sat down dejectedly as half the crowd left and the other half selected fresh numbers and reformed a line. 

“What do you think we’re waiting on?” I asked. 

Ivan shrugged.

“She didn’t give us a number.”

“Maybe she’ll call us if the system comes back,” he replied. 

We sat in silence as the clock ticked inexorably toward 5 pm. The car registration line moved quickly, but new driver’s-license walk-ins continued to be turned away. 

Please, Lord, I prayed. All we need is one computer to come back. I realized God could have allowed this bizarre turn of events to teach Ivan and me even more patience, but it all seemed so strange. We hadn’t anticipated getting my license for several more weeks: why would the Lord surprise us with hope so unexpectedly, only to have things not work out at the last moment?

“Okay, let’s go check again.” Ivan’s voice interrupted my musings. I looked up at the clock. The office would close in a few minutes. We shuffled back to the station that had been processing our application.

“Still down,” the clerk shook her head and sighed. My heart plummeted. Then – “Hold on a sec.” She gestured for my paperwork and disappeared. Ivan and I exchanged confused glances. I no longer knew what I was praying for if the system was still down, but I kept praying. The woman’s absence felt even longer than the time we’d languished in the waiting area. 

When she reappeared, she was holding a thin slip of paper. 

“There was one computer still running in the back.” The clerk smiled faintly. “Here’s your license.” She passed the slip under the glass partition. 

“Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much!” I beamed as I snatched my prize.

The lady couldn’t have imagined the all the feelings she triggered by double-checking: Seven years of relying on others anytime I needed to go anywhere, followed by the nerve-wracking process of reacclimating to the road, followed by a canceled road test and the uncertainty of when I could actually get my license. Perhaps, for her, checking was simply the “nice” thing to do. For me, it was the beginning of a whole new world. 

Both Ivan and I are overwhelmed with gratitude to God for this new chapter in our journey. Our suspenseful DMV visit reminded us that my driving again has never been guaranteed, or even expected. It’s a gift, and one that God can give and take back at any time, whether or not it makes sense to us in the moment. We’re very grateful that in God’s love and mercy, he’s decided that my driving again will bring him glory. But that, like all the healing he’s done in my life, is an undeserved blessing. We pray he will help me to be a good steward of it for as long as he allows me to be on the road. 

***

P.S. Here’s an in-depth post about some of the stroke and TBI deficits I still have to manage while driving, and here’s a more light-hearted post about what it was like to actually get reacclimatized to the road. Thanks so much for walking with us!

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Worshiping While Waiting

I avoid hikes due to the hardware in my legs, but this is a throwback from a rare visit to the Redwoods – itself an answer to many prayers!

Happy November 1st, Blogging Family! Many of us are anticipating (and hopefully praying about) Election Day. The course our country charts this Tuesday will influence not just daily life, but also global events for at least the next four years.

But whether or not you consider yourself political, I’m confident we all have cherished personal prayer requests we carry to the Lord regularly. That was one of the main reasons we started this blog in 2017 – to ask for prayer during my initial recovery. 

My gratitude for your faithful prayers, as well as a question I received after my recent testimony video, is why I’d like to share a brief devotional on Matthew 15:21-28. The question was, “What if God hadn’t granted that prayer for deliverance? Would that have changed your outlook on what you were experiencing or how you addressed it?” 

The short answer is, “No.” We are commanded to keep praying and trusting what God has said about our trials and how to respond to them, whether or not he chooses to take visible action on a given day. But better than my short answer is this historical account from Matthew, which has encouraged me throughout years of waiting on the Lord, both for physical healing and spiritual growth. It continues to refresh me as I come into his presence each day, and I pray it will encourage you as well.

“Then Jesus left Galilee and went north to the region of Tyre and Sidon.  A Gentile woman who lived there came to him, pleading, ‘Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! For my daughter is possessed by a demon that torments her severely.’

But Jesus gave her no reply, not even a word. Then his disciples urged him to send her away. ‘Tell her to go away,’ they said. ‘She is bothering us with all her begging.’

Then Jesus said to the woman, ‘I was sent only to help God’s lost sheep—the people of Israel.’

 But she came and worshiped him, pleading again, ‘Lord, help me!’

Jesus responded, ‘It isn’t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs.’

She replied, ‘That’s true, Lord, but even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters’ table.’

‘Dear woman,’ Jesus said to her, ‘your faith is great. Your request is granted.’ And her daughter was instantly healed.

I could write extensively about this passage, but for today there are three points I’d like to highlight. 

  1. We discover what likely drew the Gentile woman to Jesus in Matt. 14:35-36. These verses tell us that Jesus was healing all the sick who were brought to him. Even those who merely touched the hem of his robe were healed! No rejections. No “too busy’s,” “too tired’s,”  or “come back later’s.” And these healings didn’t even require a direct touch, or Jesus’ full attention. Then, Jesus heads to Gentile country. Why would he go there if he weren’t planning to do something similar for the Gentiles? But when this lady shows up, she finds something totally different from everything she’s heard. Jesus not only won’t help her. He won’t even answer her. 
  2. We often get frustrated when we pray and God doesn’t respond immediately. But how would we react if Jesus were standing a few feet away from us and unmistakably ignoring us? Especially when we had proof he’d healed hundreds – if not thousands – of others in similar predicaments? Talk about reasons for a “faith crisis.” But the Gentile woman doesn’t get angry, or even impatient. She also doesn’t stop asking. Instead, she pauses to worship.
  3. There was nothing praiseworthy about what this lady was experiencing. Jesus’ behavior must have seemed like it contradicted everything she’d heard about him. And the disciples weren’t being very helpful either. So why was she worshiping? By the title she uses to address Jesus, it seems that she’d already believed he was the Messiah before asking for healing. Her decision to stop and praise expresses trust in what she knows is true about him, regardless of how he responds.

When we think carefully about Jesus’ final response, we realize that he wasn’t being callous or capricious. His apparent indifference actually served two good purposes. Not only did it briefly test the Gentile woman, but it also elicited a faith-filled response that stood in sharp contrast to the skeptical Jews who were constantly demanding more miracles as proof of his Messiah-ship.

For those of us who are waiting on the Lord to answer our own cherished requests, the lady’s courageous petition-worship-petition example also functions as both challenge and encouragement: Is our faith contingent on our circumstances? Can we worship while we wait? 

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Spiritual Warfare Testimony

Hello Blogging Family! This is a very significant testimony video that I posted on social media tonight, and I wanted to share it here as well. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions about anything I mentioned. It’s a flyover of a lot of very complex information, and I’d love to talk in-person in greater detail. Ivan and I are so grateful for how God continues to move in our lives, and so grateful to all of you for your love, prayers, and support!

https://walkingwithgraceweb.com/?s=goodbye+seizures

https://walkingwithgraceweb.com/?s=unreached

https://walkingwithgraceweb.com/?s=mental+hospital

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The Camel and the Needle

Good morning, Blogging Family! I recently received news that, due to a variety of unforeseen circumstances, including Hurricane Helene and the health of one of our production team members, the release of Hello God has been delayed from Holiday 2024 until 2025. I don’t have an exact date yet, but I will let you know as soon as I do. 

In the meantime, I wanted to share this short devotional that I wrote last year when I was drafting some sample chapters as a proposal for what would become Hello, God. The book has evolved a lot since then, in both content and depth.  However, I think the heart of learning to talk to God honestly has remained the same, and that includes trusting him to work what is impossible for sinful humans. I hope this short devo will encourage you to keep praying and hoping, whether you’re asking God for someone’s salvation (as is the explicit point of the parable) or something else.

***

“This amazed them. But Jesus said again, ‘Dear children, it is very hard to enter the Kingdom of God. In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!’

The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

Jesus looked at them intently and said, ‘Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.’” ~ Mark 10:24-27

Have you ever seen a camel? Maybe you met one at the zoo when when you were little.  Maybe, if you met your camel with the nice kind of adult at the right sort of zoo, you got to feed it or even sit on its back.  If so, I’ll  wager you made a variety of discoveries about your quirky new friend. Maybe you expected her shaggy hump to stand firmly in place when you leaned on it. Perhaps you quickly discovered it’s actually a jelly-like mass of water and fat!  Did you expect him to amble evenly around his paddock like the ponies in the pony ride? The camel sways side-to-side in a  jolty, skating motion, you may have learned as you hung on for dear life.

If these experiences don’t ring any bells for you, I recommend looking up a video or these weird, magnificent animals in motion. Take in the originality and beauty of this single specimen of God’s creation.

On the other hand, most of us know our way around needles. Whether it was a parent mending ripped jeans in elementary school, our sister’s obsession with cross-stitching in junior high, or even just the ever-evolving immunization recommendations, I’ll bet almost all of us have felt that quick sting answered by a teardrop of blood more times than we would like.

Can you think of any two things more opposite than a shaggy, side-stepping camel, and a platinum-titanium, extra-fine point embroidery needle? Correction: the eye of that extra-fine point embroidery needle. This eye is a miniscule hole in one end of the needle, barely visible to an average human eye, just big enough to pass one tiny end of silk thread back and forth through whichever delicate fiber we’re embroidering.  This is as close to fairy handiwork as you’ll get in real life. 

Now, close your eyes and imagine that camel you petted or rode as a kid, or just watched on YouTube, standing in the middle of a scorching desert. It’s over  120*  F and the camel will die if it doesn’t get a drink in the next five minutes.  There’s a spring of the purest water bubbling up only a few yards away, and the only thing separating the camel from the water is a tiny embroidery needle lying on the sand between them. The needle’s so tiny that you didn’t even see it at first! 

Jesus says the only way for that camel to pass to reach the life-giving water is by  kneeling down and squeezing itself through the eye of the embroidery needle. No short cuts, shrinking potions, or flat-out cheating by stepping over the needle. Does your camel make it to the other side? Why or why not?

USE IT OR LOSE IT:

  1. What is Jesus’ point to his disciples about salvation? About prayer in general?
  2. At first glance this parable seems depressing. How could Jesus also have meant it as an encouragement?
  3. Do you have an “impossible” prayer request in your life right now? What about it makes you think it’s “impossible”?
  4. How do you think God wants you to pray about it differently after reading today’s devo?
Posted on by graceutomo12 · 9 Comments

Driving Practice is Marriage Practice

“Everyone must teach someone to drive.” I reach from the driver’s seat and pat Ivan’s knee, which is often bouncing like he’s just downed several shots of espresso. “Just remember, you have not yet taught a teenager.” This exchange happens almost nightly now that my road test is less than two weeks away. 

God certainly has a sense of humor. Before my accident, it was generally agreed upon that of the two of us, I was the more law-abiding driver. I also spent one summer during college helping my younger sister learn to drive. Ivan, on the other hand, went to college a year early and so missed both the joy and terror of coaching an adolescent brain on road awareness.  While I’m not an adolescent, parts of my brain don’t always function like they’re thirty-one. And so Ivan is finally “doing his time” reminding me how to drive, even if we’re not starting from square one.

Since my last post, we’ve made a lot of progress. Most of the questions about potential deficits that I wrote about earlier were answered with a thorough physical by my neurologist, who cleared me to drive temporarily but also ordered a DMV road test in order for my license to be fully reinstated. On the road, we’ve confirmed I can maneuver the car safely in spite of not feeling my left hand. I can also spot and respond to hazards in appropriate amounts of time. 

On the other hand, we’ve discovered I have no sense of direction. The Safeway a few blocks from our condo is a great example. We’ve been living in the same complex for three years, and we go to that store at least once a week. This seemed like an easy goal for some of my early drives – until we realized I had no idea how to get there. 

“That’s okay,” I reassured Ivan, embarrassed by such a childlike deficit and unwilling to admit defeat. “Maybe I just need the GPS to help me get there a few times. After that I’m sure it will imprint.” 

On our fourth trip, and my first attempt without the GPS, I confidently turned the wrong way – and didn’t even notice things looked different until Ivan pointed it out a few minutes later. 

The strange contradiction is that my brain remembers traffic laws, which are long term memories stored from when I learned to drive as a teenager. However, getting to the grocery story falls under shorter-term memory and spatial recognition, two areas damaged by the brain injury. But once we realized we should always use the GPS when I drive, both our moods and my success has greatly improved. Praise the Lord!

I’ll close with an anecdote that I can only summarize using the title of the old Carrie Underwood song, “Jesus, Take the Wheel.”  

I was driving down Monterey Highway around 6 pm (for those of you who don’t know San Jose, that is a rather hazardous road due to both speed and traffic), Suddenly, sounds of shock and horror began issuing from the passenger’s seat. Ivan and I have had many conversations about how I need specific feedback when I’m driving. Vague interjections like “Oh man!” “Woah!” or the catastrophic “Noo!” only prompt me to slam on brakes. 

“Ivan – what?” 

“There’s a bee on the window!” 

At that moment, we reached a red light, so I was able to look. It was not a bee. It was a wasp. I’m deeply afraid of wasps because of traumatic childhood encounters. Also because, unlike bees, wasps don’t just sting once.

“Open the window and let it out!”

“But it looks comfortable.”

“Well, I’m not comfortable!”

Then the light was green again. Multiple thoughts flashed through my mind simultaneously. The first was that, whatever Ivan did or did not do with the wasp, I must keep up with the other tired, hungry rush-hour drivers. The second was that I was going to have to ignore the sounds of consternation continuing to proceed from the passenger’s seat.

“Lord, please protect us,” I prayed, as my knuckles whitened on the steering wheel and the chorus of nonspecific, threatened or threatening noises crescendo-ed. 

“He’s gone!” came a weak voice. Then, just as my grip relaxed – “No!”

“What?” I growled.

“You missed your turn.” Ivan was right. I’d completely forgotten the GPS.

It took us some time to find our way back to the route. I was so disoriented by the adrenaline from the episode that I ended up confounding the GPS, and Ivan had to turn it off and give me directions the old-fashioned way.  We later agreed that, unless the DMV has started releasing small, slightly venomous insects into the cars of prospective licensees, my road test will probably not be this nerve-wracking. On the relational side, Ivan and I both have a greater awareness of each other’s strengths. Ivan learned that I can handle the car safely even when I’m scared, and I was reminded that Ivan can give very clear, methodical, and kind directions when he realizes I’m unsettled. Who knew that driving practice was marriage practice, too?

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“Hello, God” Update: Surprise Co-Author!

Good morning, Blogging Family! It’s been a while since I mentioned my forthcoming devotional on prayer, but I have a super exciting update to share with you all this weekend.

Ivan will once again be joining me as co-author! This may not seem like much of a surprise given his wonderful contributions to Walking with Grace, but I’d actually completed a full draft of the manuscript on my own a month ago. Furthermore, he is in the grueling final stages of completing his own doctoral dissertation. I’m so grateful for the work God’s been doing in both our lives to bring this partnership to pass, and I firmly believe the project will be much richer and more God-glorifying with his contributions.

We hope to release some time during the holidays!