Walking With Grace

Good Friday, Blogging Family! Today marks one week since we finished that blessed, insane month of speaking and traveling that I introduced to you a few posts ago as the Walking with Grace Speaking Tour. Highlights included Bob Jones University in South Carolina (virtual), Wheaton College in Illinois (in-person), and California Baptist University in Southern California (in-person), followed by a six-day trip to Georgia to meet my newborn niece.

Thank you so much for your tireless prayer support over the past 40 days!!! Just the thought of navigating an airport, with its myriad flashing lights and other seizure triggers, seemed well-nigh impossible last year when we were praying about accepting these speaking engagements.  They seemed even more out of the question when I imagined combining travel with the (to me) excessively-fatiguing act of standing and talking in front of a group of people for 60-90 minutes, often twice a day.

God’s fingerprints were truly all over this trip! Not only is it an irrefutable testimony that I am now no longer having seizures, but it’s also an incontrovertible proof that his marvelous strength was empowering me as I completed itineraries that fell miles outside my usual abilities. (Some of you may remember that I struggle with chronic fatigue and often take multiple naps a day.) 

As a thank-you for your relentless and enthusiastic support during this new phase in our ministry, I thought I’d share a few of our favorite photos from each stop to give y’all an insider’s look at life on the road and some of the moments that were special blessings to Ivan and me.  Thanks as always for walking with us! ❤ 

Thank you for indulging me with this jaunt down memory lane! My hope is that it injected a little humor into your day and brought to life a ministry opportunity that, while exciting, might have sounded a bit abstract or difficult to imagine happening in real time. We love you all and praise God for what he is doing in and through us all together as a spiritual family. Soli Deo Gloria!

Good Evening, Blogging Family! Tonight I am writing in from a quaint but primarily utilitarian AirBnB (private room/shared bath and common area) that’s a mere 10-minute walk from our alma mater, California Baptist University. It’s also a matching distance from Spanish Oaks, the apartment complex where we lived as newlyweds, and Magnolia Ave, the intersection where I was struck by a car as a pedestrian on December 3rd, 2016. Talk about coming full circle.

We didn’t have plans to return to Riverside that Memorial Day weekend we joined my parents in San Jose (7 hours north) in 2017. And we absolutely could never have imagined either the grueling neurological trials we had yet to endure, or the fact that God would supernaturally intervene to heal my seizures an additional six years later. Not to mention that He would also enable me to write and publish a book detailing some of the precious lessons he’s been teaching us through the ups and downs of my long-term recovery.

This opportunity to return to our academic and relational routes at CBU and engage a whole new generation of students about what it means to build resilience as Christians, rely on God when our human plans get turned upside down, and also steward our talents as followers of Christ, brings a plethora of emotions to my and Ivan’s hearts. Our schedule tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesday is below:

We’ll be talking about BIBLICAL RESILIENCE at 2:00 pm on the main campus (Yeager A112).

Then, join us at 6:00pm on the Health Science campus to discuss a CHRISTIAN RESPONSE TO GOAL-INTERRUPTION (Building A, Room 7).

Finally, I (Grace) will also be giving a presentation on the CREATIVE WRITING PROCESS & PUBLISHING INDUSTRY on Tuesday morning at 8:45 am on the main campus (Yeager B251).

Thank you as always for your prayers and support, and we hope to see many of you tomorrow!

Hello Blogging Family! Here’s the recording of our chapel message at Wheaton College on Friday, March 15th. Thank you all so much for your prayers!

Good evening, Blogging Family! I’m writing to you from a comfortable, deja-vu-esque hotel room somewhere nearer Wheaton, IL, than Chicago. We’ve just arrived via Uber from the Chicago Midway airport (about an hour drive) and are about to sample the local fare [read: hearty Italian food. And no, I know from a previous life that it’s just NOT the same in California 😉 ].

Why am I painting this rosy domestic scene? In my last post, I mentioned that Ivan and I would be traveling to various geographic and online destinations throughout March, sharing bits of the story of God’s power in our lives that I share at length in my recent book, Walking With Grace: Embracing God’s Goodness in Trauma. Well, this week we are privileged to be visiting Wheaton College as special guests of the school’s program for Disability Awareness Week. We are beyond excited to attend the student chapel service tomorrow and share about how God’s amazing power has sustained me and set me free from so many years of trials and trauma.

And guess what? YOU’RE invited too!!

The chapel service will begin at 10:40 am CST and run approximately 50 min. You can join from the comfort of your homes via the link below. We’d love to have you with us! This opportunity to present at Wheaton is a huge privilege that we could have never imagined. As I like to say, all the glory goes to God, AND I also credit a large portion of his blessings to the fact that you love and pray for us so faithfully. Thank you so much for walking with us year after year. We can’t wait to share tomorrow with you!

https://www.wheaton.edu/life-at-wheaton/spiritual-life/chapel/watch-wheaton-college-chapel-services-live

Dear Blogging Family, it gives me great pleasure to bid you Good March! I’ve always been partial to the month because it marks both the beginning of Spring and yours truly, but this particular March is extra momentous because it will also encompass something I could have never imagined in a million years…the Walking with Grace Speaking Tour.

Yep, you read that right. Ivan and I may be coming to a city near you!

When we published Walking with Grace: Embracing God’s Goodness in Trauma last October, we were bowled over by the unbelievable amount of support we received from all of you whom we’ve known from Day One, as well as the plentiful newcomers and anonymous readers we had the privilege to meet for the very first time. My favorite part of the in-person events was learning more about your stories: the trials God was allowing in your lives and the marvelous ways he was carrying you through. Ivan and I both commented that even though we were ostensibly doing signings as a way to thank you for your support, we felt we were the ones who’d received most of the ministry at the end of each event. Your hearts for the Lord, especially in the midst of your own suffering, were truly remarkable!

We were benefiting so much from the overflow of your love for the Lord that we didn’t really consider what would happen to our Walking with Grace events long term. I knew intellectually that we would eventually finish our debut schedule, and supposed our lives would return to “normal” at that point. But God had other plans. 

Through many channels and seemingly “random” happenings, God’s made a way for us to do a hybrid tour of a few Christian universities around the country sharing some of the key lessons we’ve learned walking with him after my accident. Some of the live locations and events that are open to the public include:

• March 15^th, 2024 Time TBD: Chapel at Wheaton College (Wheaton, IL)
• March 25^th, 2024 2:00 pm: Yeager Center at California Baptist University (Riverside, CA)
• March 25^th, 2024 6 pm: Health Science Campus at California Baptist University (Riverside, CA)

If you are interested in attending one of these live talks, you can find out more about the host school, as well as the specific event, at Wheaton and CalBaptist. We’d love to see you there! 

As always, thank you for your prayers and support! I’ll be posting travel updates, pictures, and videos as the month progresses. 😀

Happy Valentine’s Day, Blogging Family! Today is a great day to pause and give thanks for the people in your life who are brave enough to tell you the truth, who put your needs above their own, and who are committed to sticking with you for the long haul – whether they be family, romantic partners, or brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ. Most of all, let us give thanks for the precious, spotless Son of God, who showed us what true love looks like:

“This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” 1 John 4:10

In today’s Valentine’s video, I share a new, jaw-dropping way God has physically manifested His love to me and Ivan. If you’ve followed us for a bit, you’re probably familiar with the cast-iron grip seizures have held on my life for the past eight years. If you’re new or need a refresher, Status Epilepticus and “They turned me into a Newt!” will give you a light-hearted snapshot of daily life with uncontrolled seizures, which could feel like living hell. Read those, and I bet you’ll have a hard time believing I haven’t had a single seizure in the past five months!

So in honor of God’s healing and today’s holiday, please take a few minutes to watch my testimony and join me and Ivan in giving thanks for God’s miraculous intervention – a heavenly Valentine neither of us could have ever imagined!

P.S. For a deeper dive on how God sustained us during my grueling years as a shut-in, feel free to check out my new book, Walking with Grace: Embracing God’s Goodness in Trauma

The video pretty much says it all. You can check out the video of “Joy to the World” I posted on Christmas Eve here. In my recent book, Walking with Grace, I write extensively about my violin journey, beginning as a young child all the way through my time at the Eastman School of Music and my eventual decision to step away from the secular performing arts scene.

You can also check out some old blog posts I wrote at different stages in my physical recovery and emotional grieving processes, such as “What’s Up with the Violin?”, “When You Need a Third Hand,” and “In the Hands of the Lord.” 

Thanks as always for your prayers! We are finally partaking of their fruit. To God be the glory!!!

Happy New Year, Blogging Family! I hope that God has blessed each of you with worshipful, joyful, and peaceful Christmas holidays and that you are spiritually refreshed and physically recharged for the New Year.

If you follow us through this blog, social media, or my new book Walking with Grace, you may already know some of the amazing gifts God showered on us in 2023. My husband Ivan led a high school trip to London and Paris in June, and I got to come along! (It was our first time in Europe.) My memoir, Walking with Grace: Embracing God’s Goodness in Trauma, came out last October after almost two years of sweat, prayers, and tears. Praise the Lord for his sustaining power, and major thanks to everyone who prayed and supported us along the way! This past November, I successfully completed my Master of Fine Arts in Writing. That MFA, which is a terminal degree, doesn’t really belong to me. There were so many times over the past four years where I should have flunked out or dropped out due to medical emergencies, inadequate learning accommodations, or even just basic poor health. This degree truly belongs to the Lord! Finally, the night before Christmas. I posted one more crazy amazing gift from the Lord: I believe God wants me to start playing violin again! This is a long story and will get its own post very soon, but in the meantime let us praise God for how much he has done already (check out the video!) and pray he will continue his miraculous work!

So how ’bout 2024? One part of me feels like a greedy little girl, arms overflowing with presents, straining on tip-toe with every fibre of her being to whisper a second list of presents in her father’s ear. What could I possibly ask of the God who’s given me life as a human created in his image? Not to mention given that life abundantly – ransoming me, his wayward daughter, and purifying me by the blood of his one and only Son? Nothing, I should ask absolutely nothing. Hallelujah that Father God doesn’t operate like that! He delights to draw near and listen, not just to me but to all his children, blessing us with more spiritual gifts than we could ever imagine. 

“³ All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. ⁴ Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. ⁵ God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. ⁶ So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. ⁷ He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. ⁸ He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. ” ~ Ephesians 1:3-8

Wow. Just wow. Let’s sit with this and let it sink in a minute.

Instead of finagling 2024 to see how much I can profit from it, I hope to spend the year drawing closer to Father God through a scheduled, daily time of Bible reading, prayer, and Scripture memorization. With God’s help, I also hope to make and keep more time available to serve my spiritual and biological families.

What about you? Do you have milestones from 2023 or goals for 2024? Please share below!

Good morning Blogging Family! You’ve probably inferred that I’m going to tell you that my book is now 40% off. That it would make the perfect gift for old friends or a new coworker who’s going through X, or that incorrigible relative who refuses any and all olive branches, so what have you got to lose, really?

There. I’ve just said all the stuff you thought I was going to say. Now we can get off to the real start! You see, this post isn’t meant to be one more advertisement promising the key to previously unattainable happiness is just waiting to be unwrapped under the Christmas tree.

Rather, I want to talk about how we give to and receive gifts from each other, human to human, and how our natural and learned behaviors played into the drama of Jesus’ life on earth.

Starting in the present, I am a terrible gift-giver. It’s not that my heart is in the wrong place. I love seeing people happy, and am frequently overcome by the suspense before they open their package and (hopefully) smile. Very few people share their secrets with me when Christmas is in the air.

Yes, I love giving presents. But I’m never sure what to give other people. I know what I like, and I try to imagine what the other person might like, but that’s typically where I go off the rails. Example: Did you know there are shampoo brushes on Amazon?? So far Ivan has caught me and set matters straight before I do any real damage…so far.

We’ve all experienced the embarrassment of getting something we don’t want. The pain of the forced smile, the mental anguish of “How many times do I have to wear this before I get rid of it?” or “Now I’ve got to remember to put out this vase every time she comes over.” And these are the redeemable situations.

True heartbreak (I believe) hits children the hardest. There’s the injury of not getting something you wanted, often accompanied by the insult of seeing it given to someone else. One year when my sister and I were in elementary school, I noticed a beautiful model horse in a store and pointed it out to my mom and sister. Every time we went to that store, I asked permission to leave the shopping cart and visit what I quickly termed “my horse.” I barely noticed that Anna was tagging along.

Until Christmas morning, when she discovered “my horse” under sheets of red-and-green wrapping paper. I couldn’t believe it. Could I have been any more obvious about what I wanted for Christmas? Everything moved in slow motion as I unwrapped my own present. I don’t remember what it was, although I’m sure my parents would have chosen something well-made, practical, and probably even attractive like new clothes or shoes. According to me that Christmas morning, I’d just been big-sistered out of my dream gift.

So how do these contemporary examples mirror how people in biblical times received Jesus that very first Christmas?

First, God’s long-awaited, greatly-anticipated Savior of the world was not a gift on Israel’s wavelength. No one, not even her fiancé Joseph, believed Mary’s story about the angel Gabriel – even though Scripture suggests she had a sterling reputation until that point. None of the gospels record the townspeople of Bethlehem stampeding Joseph and Mary’s stall to see their Savior after they heard the shepherds’ good news. The Messiah was supposed to be a powerful king who would set them free from captivity – currently Rome. A little baby was good for nothing. Shampoo brush, anyone?

Second, the Jews just plain did not want grown-up Jesus. He hadn’t transformed into that mighty king they’d been expecting for thousands of years. Jesus was just a carpenter, carrying on the family trade. His miracles piqued their interest, to be sure, but could anyone this average really be Messiah material? Stop the jaw-dropping miracles and sizzling religious debates, and most of the thrill-seekers following Jesus would vanish overnight. The prophet Isaiah says it well (53:1-2):

Who has believed our message
    and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

The third example is actually taken from God’s perspective. We know that God created the world and everything in it to reflect his perfect holiness and creativity. When our always-present, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving, all-wise, and unfathomably holy God pronounces something “good” – the human word “good” becomes an understatement. I like the way the Westminster Shorter Catechism explains our purpose on this planet: “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him for ever” (Q&A #1).

God gave us perfection: a perfect relationship with him, the first and perfect marriage, a paradisiacal garden to tend at the heart of a breathtaking planet. And we didn’t want it. Starting with Adam and Eve’s original sin in the Garden of Eden, and continuing through each individual’s sin up to the present moment, we tell God his perfect present to us isn’t perfect enough. We’d rather have fame, or pleasure, or worldly relationships, or revenge, or wealth, or…anything but a right relationship with our Creator.

Adding insult to God’s injury, we deny the thanksgiving and adoration due our Creator and Messiah, only to throw them away mindlessly to gods who cannot satisfy or be satisfied. There will always be more weight to lose, another gym to join. Can you really afford the low mpg on that new collectible car? What about your profile on the latest dating app? Would your church friends recognize you? Not all of these are specifically Christmas gifts, per se, but they’re all purportedly “harmless” things that can hijack our hearts and replace God. We placate our consciences by tossing God our leftovers: church, the occasional bible study, maybe even coffee with a mentor.

My point in comparing human gift-giving with biblical Messiah-receiving is not to preach gloom and doom. My point is that we humans have similar tendencies no matter which century we live in. Sometimes, beginning with the familiar helps us identify with the unfamiliar. People in Bible times reacted to Jesus’ miraculous birth much like we might react to an unwanted gift today. Both they and we prefer investing our time, interests, and efforts where the crowd is. What a happy coincidence when Jesus is in the crowd, too!

As we look forward to celebrating the coming of our Savior in a few more days, I’m challenging myself as well as you: Where do things stand between you, God, and your Christmas present? Have you accepted the Messiah as your personal Lord and Savior? If not, send me a message! If you have, where are you investing your time and energy this Christmas? Where would others say your priorities are? Do you live like you’ve accepted God’s offer of redemption?

May the Lord bless us and guide us as we seek to follow him this Christmas season.

Seven years ago today, I no-showed to my own Christmas concert. Little did we know my and Ivan’s lives had changed forever.

Many of you already know the basics of my accident story if you’ve been following us through the blog, social media, or my new book, Walking with Grace: Embracing God’s Goodness in Trauma. If you’re new to us or would like a refresher, feel free to check out the blog’s intro here or consider purchasing Walking with Grace here or on Amazon.

However you know us, you’ve probably read about God sustaining us through long seasons of turmoil, uncertainty, potential despair. When one wave of health and relational issues neared resolution, it seemed there was always another wave riding its wake, eager to break over our heads and pull us to the bottom with its un-human power.

But God.

In the Apostle Paul’s second letter to the Corinthian church, he shares that God has given him a “thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.” Yikes. “Messenger from Satan” is tough stuff. On the other hand, Paul has been caught up to Heaven and received spiritually “classified” information. Does that mean he must be taken down a peg no matter how he responds?

Paul doesn’t claim innocence or protest the injustice of his “thorn.” His submission to God’s seemingly harsh judgment affirms God as sovereign King of the universe. But unlike when he was enslaved to sin, Paul enjoys a redeemed Father-son relationship with the Lord. God is still the Father, but Paul can now ask for mercy as one of his beloved children.

What about me? What did I do?

We were not able to identify a particularly severe sin or heart issue for which God could have been disciplining me when I was struck by a car that cloudy afternoon on December 3rd, 2016. At the same time, I am not perfect and cannot claim to know the crevasses and crannies of my own heart, which the Bible tells me is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9).

I was unconscious and Ivan was in shock, but God’s people literally all over the world were lifting us up in prayer – so many sons and daughters begging our Father for mercy.

The Apostle Paul begs Father God to take away his messenger from Satan. But God sticks to his (metaphorical) guns. “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said to me, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work within me.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Father God spared my life that night. I truly believe this was thanks to the countless prayers from his beloved sons and daughters that rose as pleasing incense to him that night. But I also didn’t yank out all my wires and walk out of my ICU room the next morning. I wonder if God let my healing play out a more painful, circuitous route to maximize the amount of people with whom we’ve shared our faith in therapy, doctors’ offices, and hospital stays. Our rollercoaster ride of ailments requiring urgent care/ER trips has also glorified his powerful ability to keep me and my immediate family safe beyond reasonable explanation. Most importantly, in the past couple of years he’s broken my obsessive reliance on specialty care and is helping me fix my eyes on him, the One True Healer and the Greatest Physician in the Universe.

It’s human nature to survey the past seven years of suffering and reflect on how we’ve “survived.” But like the Apostle Paul, I’d rather surrender them to Father God and call them Years of Power instead. Thankful for 2023 and hopeful for many more to come!