Posted on by graceutomo12

A Gospel-Centered Mother’s Day

The implacable Southern California sun refracted off our bone-white driveway and stung my eyes. Sweat clung to the inside of my tank top. “Mom -” I hesitated. “- where do you find strength to keep going under pressure?” 

My family had endured its rough seasons over the years. All my grandparents passed away before I turned twenty. Although we lived hundreds of miles away and my mom homeschooled me and my sister, she traveled to Georgia as much as she could to help with their care. None of us knew it yet, but a few years later she would move in with Ivan and me for five months after my accident.

What already struck me as a 19-year-old was that Mom never complained about the constant demands of caring for others. I’ve pondered her answer to my question as Ivan and I have walked through our own trials over the years, and I’d like to share it with you all in honor of Mother’s Day.

“Well,” she replied, after a moment’s pause. “God helps you find beauty in the things you love.”

I was startled. Through my parents’ ministry, I’d already encountered plenty of un-beautiful situations like death, miscarriage, and divorce. As I’ve contemplated Mom’s words and learned more about how God sees us through the gospel, their meaning has taken more shape.

We live in a world that has rejected God. But God in his mercy still allows our world to be beautiful and showers us with common grace, whether or not we acknowledge its Source (Acts 14:17). 

What’s more, once we surrender to Christ, when God looks at us he chooses to see his precious, perfect Son, rather than our sinful corruption:

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

Ephesians 1:4-6

This does not mean that God glosses over our brokenness. Rather, he grants us positional holiness, while patiently completing the good work that he began the moment that we accepted Christ (Phil. 1:6). So we exist in an “already” and “not yet” state of grace. 

What about those of us called to love people who are not walking with the Lord? I think we can ask God for strength to not grow weary in doing good, and for grace to see everyone as made in the image of God, no matter how much sin may distort that image. God will reward us at the proper time if we do not give up, whether we see that reward in this life or in Heaven. Although it’s easy to agonize over hypotheticals – “Should I have used a better illustration? Would that Bible verse have been more impactful?” – I continue to grow in the awareness that only God’s supernatural intervention can awaken us to our need for salvation (Eph. 2:4-5). All he asks is for us to be instruments ready for him to use, and leave the results to him. 

When Mom encouraged me to find beauty in what I loved, I don’t think she was advocating for ignoring brokenness. But I do think her outlook reflected hope that God is transforming those of us who have placed our faith in Christ into his image, however infinitesimal that progress may seem at times. May this give us great humility and great peace as we seek to grow in Christ and love those around us!

Posted on by graceutomo12

“Hello, God” Preview 4 of 5 – The Lord’s Prayer

Good Morning, Blogging Family! This clip is inspired by the first of two chapters near the end of Hello, God that look at the Lord’s Prayer and suggest ways to apply it to your prayer life. Stay tuned for the conclusion of our preview series – a meditation on Micah 7 – tomorrow!

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“‘Lord, teach us to pray.’ The disciples’ request would sound reverent, childlike—but they don’t stop there. They tack on an earthly comparison reminding their Messiah, eternal God dressed in human flesh, that they haven’t fully grasped his identity yet. ‘Teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples‘ (Luke 11: 1).

How does Jesus respond to his disciples’ misplaced modifier? There are plenty of instances where He does reprove his followers’ fixation with human tradition, but in this case He graciously ignores the slight and addresses the crux of their question: how to connect intimately with God. 

When we look at the opening lines of Jesus’s teaching prayer (commonly known as the Lord’s Prayer) in Luke 11:2, several simple, yet startling, truths arrest our attention.     

“Father, hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom come.

Give us each day our daily bread…”

First, Jesus’s prayer transforms the intimidating Judge of the Old Testament into “Father.” While He’s still instructing His disciples (and us) to pray for God’s name to be lifted high and revered, He personalizes the Creator and gives us a direct access to Him that John’s disciples could never have imagined. 

Next, Jesus’s teaching prayer undermines everything His disciples thought they knew about God’s kingdom. In Jesus’s day, most Jewish people thought the Messiah would emancipate their nation from the Roman empire. But the prayer Jesus teaches His disciples, unlike their cultural preconceptions, doesn’t put a time stamp on God’s kingdom arriving on earth. That’s because He wants them to realize God’s kingdom is first and foremost a spiritual one, made up of sons and daughters bought back from eternal destruction. God’s kingdom was coming in their day, and it is still coming in ours.

Finally, Jesus adds something deeply personal and unlike the rote prayers His disciples likely learned as children. He adds requests for daily, material provision. The sketches of God they would have glimpsed in the synagogue might have emphasized His jealousy for the glory of His name. Or His promise to deliver Israel, if the nation humbled itself enough. But the Father Jesus paints in His teaching prayer is also deeply concerned for whether they—uneducated “nobodies” from a disreputable district in Israel—have food on the table…

USE IT OR LOSE IT:

  1. Have you previously considered Jesus’s prayer as a rote recipe to recite at church or school, or as a living model to help you grow your own prayer life? Has today broadened your perspective? Why or why not?
  2. Jesus paints with broad strokes in His teaching prayer, graciously giving us plenty of liberty to color in our own unique details. Take each of first three lines and try to come up with your own version. For example: 

‘God, thank You that You love me so much more perfectly than any earthly parent.  I praise You for how wise You are, how powerful, how mighty—how You delight to show unfailing love and mercy to me, even though I don’t deserve it. Lord, please bring Your kingdom quickly to this broken world! I see sickness and sin and injustice all around me, and people turning to all sorts of things they believe are going to fix them. But I know that what they really need is the transforming message of Your Good News. Father, thank You so much that You care about the tiny practical details of my life, and want me to ask You for what I need…‘”

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Shepherd Press is offering a discount on pre-orders of Hello, God, Seeking the Lord When Words Fall Short until 5/31. https://www.shepherdpress.com/products/hello-god/. Use code “HELLO” to get 25% off! 

Posted on by graceutomo12

“Hello, God” Preview 3 of 5 – Psalm 138

Good Morning, Blogging Family! This video is inspired by a chapter from Hello, God that looks at one of my favorite psalms, 138, and shares how God has used that passage over the years to strengthen me when I felt like I couldn’t make it through another day. Stay tuned for an excerpt from Lord’s Prayer tomorrow!

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“During the years that I battled uncontrolled seizures, I also developed intractable migraines. Doctors hypothesized that each seizure would trigger a migraine as an after-effect. Since I rarely went a day without a seizure, I always had a migraine. Once it became clear that these conditions were linked and there was unlikely to be a pharmaceutical solution to either, my access to pain medication was restricted and I was told to endure the migraines naturally…

…God continued sending psalms to my rescue. David, with his deep brokenness and reckless dependence on God’s grace, has a signature tendency to offer God raw praise in the midst of unimaginable pain. (Try being accused of insanity [Psalm 34], or being hunted down by your own son [Psalm 3]!) For me, these raw praises were the most contagious because they gave me permission to flip-flop between praising God in one breath and crying out to Him from the depths of my soul in the next. 

Psalm 138 is a classic flip-flopping psalm. David opens with a raucous chorus, rejoicing in God’s faithfulness both to him personally (v. 3) and to the righteous in general (vv. 5-6). It’s easy to imagine him leading worship in the sanctuary, hands raised high in adoration. 

But, then, we hit verses 7-8 and discover that’s not the psalm’s setting at all. David’s not leading worship. He describes himself as “[walking] in the midst of troubles,” surrounded by angry enemies. How was he just able to write such a flattering portrayal of God only a few verses before? 

David can still praise God because he doesn’t believe God will leave him where he is. He takes hold of those characteristics that he mentioned at the beginning, characteristics God has demonstrated throughout his life and Israel’s history, characteristics such as faithfulness and lovingkindness.  He preaches those traits to himself.  If God is who David has known Him to be, and is eternal and unchanging, then David can trust that deliverance is on the way:

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
    you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
    and your right hand delivers me.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
    your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.”

            Psalm 138 reminded me of two truths on those mornings when I didn’t think I had it in me to make it through the next hour, much less the rest of the day:

 1) God, not I, would fulfill His plan for me that day. David could have put the unrealistic pressure on himself that he must somehow make sense of his trial and discover some higher purpose. But he doesn’t do that. He humbly admits that whatever spiritual growth or transformation is going to take place will be completely the Lord’s doing. 

2) Nothing I did or did not do that day could change God’s heart toward me. It’s tempting to think we can earn or lose brownie points in God’s Book of Suffering by how well we manage our pain, tend to our responsibilities, marshal what meager resources we have left, etc. But that only adds distress and sells the lie that our right standing with God depends on something other than Christ’s work on the cross. Remember there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! (Romans 8:1) Jesus has already lived the perfect life on our behalf and we can be completely at rest, dressed in His gorgeous, blood-bought robes of righteousness…”

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Shepherd Press is offering a discount on pre-orders of Hello, God, Seeking the Lord When Words Fall Short until 5/31. https://www.shepherdpress.com/products/hello-god/. Use code “HELLO” to get 25% off! 

Posted on by graceutomo12

“Hello, God” Preview 2 of 5 – Psalm 16

Good Morning, Blogging Family! Thanks so much for checking out these previews of Hello, God. This audio clip is inspired by a chapter that shares more about my own journey of re-learning how to pray, including an entry from my prayer journal. Stay tuned for Psalm 138 tomorrow!

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“A few weeks after my hospital discharge in January 2017, someone suggested using the Psalms as a template to improve my prayer life. The idea sounded vaguely familiar, but I don’t remember having tested it out before. Perhaps my previously high success rate against life’s previously humdrum obstacles had made heart-to-hearts with the God of the universe seem superfluous. 

Until God saw fit to remove both my cherished successes and my easily surmountable obstacles in the blink of an eye. Now my injured brain pinned me so far below the baseline of a “normal” prayer life that improvising off a psalm sounded like the stuff of theologians or Christian heavyweights from centuries past. 

So I didn’t. 

Instead, I looked for a psalm that represented my current spiritual or emotional state and read it to God, saying, “Lord, this is from me to You.” I did this day after day, for weeks on end. God kindly embraced my meagre offerings. He knew that my heart’s desire was to move from my rote “Thank you for this food,” or “Please help my legs to stop hurting” prayers to something more relational, even if my injured brain couldn’t figure out how to get there just yet. 

Psalm 16 is one of the earliest psalms I remember finding my own words for. I’ve included my own journal entry here as encouragement for you as you begin talking to God from your heart…

Lord, You are my only hope. When I’m afraid, I put my trust in You.

My self-righteousness is a capsized mole hill to Your Mount Everest. Your chosen ones are my most precious companions.

My sorrows balloon like a mushroom cloud when I’m stalking fairness, friendship, or intimacy at your expense. My jaws lock shut before I can sample the rancid sweetness of my stolen meat.

Yet my cup bubbles over with Your peerless, life-changing water. Oh, give me a taste for eternity! Teach me to delight myself in the hope of Your priceless inheritance.

Thank You for the still, small voice that whispers truth and love in the wee hours of the morning. Please help me surrender to this bit, this bridle that is turned by the God Who Sees. O loving Father, lock my wandering eyes on Your patient, faithful smile! Nothing can touch me with You at my side…”

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Shepherd Press is offering a discount on pre-orders of Hello, God, Seeking the Lord When Words Fall Short until 5/31. https://www.shepherdpress.com/products/hello-god/. Use code “HELLO” to get 25% off! 

Posted on by graceutomo12 · 2 Comments

“Hello, God” Release Date and Intro

Hello, Blogging Family! Thank you so much for helping us choose the cover of Hello, God, a couple of weeks ago! Thanks to you, we decided to go with the sunrise painting. We appreciate your support so much, and are so excited that the book is finally coming out on May 25th!

I’ve also been collaborating with our team at Shepherd Press to develop some short videos for Instagram (@walkingwitgrace) and Facebook that share our heart for the book and preview some of its content. The video above is an updated introduction since it’s been a while since we first announced Hello, God last summer. We’ll also be posting a 5-day devotional series that runs Monday-Friday of next week. That being said, I’m aware that not all of you are on social media, so I’ll be sharing the series here as well. We’d love for you to join us!

Here’s an additional preview of the book’s back cover:

“Is there a “right” way to talk to God? How does God speak to us? Does every prayer get answered? What do I do while waiting? Whether you’re new to the Christian faith or have been praying for decades, these questions don’t always have easy answers. In this 31-day devotional, Grace Utomo explores key Bible passages and characters that helped her learn to pray again after severe trauma. Discover God’s heart to commune personally with each of His children in a month-long journey that starts at Creation and carries you to the cross – and beyond.”

Thank you so much for your support with our first book, Walking with Grace. Whether the idea of Hello, God is something that speaks to you personally, or sounds like it might be a good resource for someone you know, I hope it will bless you in some way. I never thought I would have to relearn how to pray as someone who’s been a believer for most of my life, but this journey ultimately strengthened my walk with the Lord, and gave me a deeper point of reference for engaging with people who were either new to the faith, or were struggling for some other reason. None of that would have been possible if I had not had to “start from square one” again. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

Thanks as always for your love and support over the years!

___

Shepherd Press is offering a discount on pre-orders of Hello, God, Seeking the Lord When Words Fall Short until 5/31. https://www.shepherdpress.com/products/hello-god/. Use code “HELLO” to get 25% off! 

Posted on by graceutomo12 · 1 Comment

Preparing for Easter: the Lord’s Prayer for Us

Good evening, Blogging Family! As we prepare our hearts for Easter, I wanted to share a brief excerpt from our forthcoming book, Hello, God: Seeking the Lord When Words Fall Short. I pray it will encourage you!

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Mere hours before He would face the abject humiliation of a kangaroo court and the unbridled rage of a rightfully outraged, holy God, Jesus offered specific, personal intercession for you and me. What does He ask for in these final, crucial moments? 

“I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth… I do not ask for these [the disciples] only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” (John 17:15-21; emphasis mine)

As He does in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus highlights how much we need God’s protection from Satan’s wily schemes. Although Jesus is mere hours away from breaking the power of sin and death, He knows that, until our own deaths or His Second Coming, the remnants of our sin nature will still be vulnerable to temptation and spiritual attack (Romans 7:18-25). 

Next, He emphasizes the centrality of God’s Word in our ongoing spiritual transformation. For His disciples, that would mean preserving Jesus’s teachings in the four Gospels and adding several epistles under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, in addition to continuing to study and apply the Jewish Old Testament. For us, this portion of Jesus’s prayer means reading and applying all sixty-six books of the Bible without favoritism, trusting that every part of God’s Word is useful for “teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). 

It should hardly come as a surprise that the Savior of the world closes His prayer for us with a plea for our unity. Whether or not we’re right with others is an excellent test of whether or not we’re right with God. While only God can truly know the state of our hearts, Scripture is full of passages admonishing us that our faith will be proved by the fruit we bear (James 2:14-17). 

Does it amaze you that Jesus was thinking so specifically about your spiritual protection, ongoing transformation, and Christian witness mere hours before He was stripped naked and felt a lead-tipped whip rip the flesh from His back? It takes my breath away. I hope this reality will embolden you the next time you come before the Lord in prayer. Remember, drawing near to God is a rich journey that will continue until the moment you cross into eternity.  

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Hello, God: Seeking the Lord When Words Fall Short is coming out from Shepherd Press on May 25th. Stay tuned for more updates coming soon!

Posted on by graceutomo12

The Battle to Believe

“For God gave us a spirit, not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.”

The verse’s assurance knocked the breath out of my shivering, twelve-year-old body that Sunday morning. Suddenly everything –  the chilly sanctuary with its stiff wooden pews and the filigreed pocket Bible that was the light of my preteen eyes – vanished in the blazing glory of the Apostle Paul’s declaration. 

Can this really be true? I faltered in the face of my hitherto unshakable fears: How would I score at my next violin competition? Would “normal” kids ever accept me since I was homeschooled and loved literature and classical music? What’s more, my fears were founded on reality. I could perform poorly, and I’d experienced my share of social rejection. But God, through the Apostle Paul, was promising me power, and love, and self-control in spite of my experiences. And God never lied. How would I respond? 

That morning was the first time I remember encountering 2 Timothy 1:7, but since then God has reminded me of that promise at crucial moments when I’ve felt like I was about to be overpowered by fear. Perhaps my preteen troubles seem trivial to us adults, but we can all remember how the hardships we experienced as young people seemed like the pinnacle of suffering. It’s only with additional life experience (and cognitive and emotional development), that we gain perspective to evaluate those circumstances in a more holistic light.  

The same is true of our suffering as adults. Perhaps an illness, or lay-off, or relational fracture that seemed almost beyond our capacity to endure five years ago looks different now that we have seen God sustain us over time and discerned what he was teaching. Each time he brings us through a trial, it should increase our confidence in his faithfulness for the next trial. 

I say “should” because in my own life, I’ve discovered this process is not always linear. Severe physical suffering has been a personal theme for many years, and I’ve been blessed that God had helped me to cling to what I know to be true of him and his Word during those times. But as God graciously removed the suffering I endured from uncontrolled seizures, I’ve been confronted with some relational disconnects that the seizures camouflaged. And I’ve discovered that, because of my brain injury, painful emotions can shake me much more deeply than physical suffering ever did. Although my verbal skills are high, my rational and emotional processing can become disconnected when I perceive something’s wrong or there’s actual conflict. The result is that even though I know certain things are true about God, his Word, or even a particular person, it can be extremely hard to overcome the hurt once it’s imprinted. 

I share this struggle because, while not everyone has a brain injury, I believe we all find ourselves in similar situations at some point. There will come a time for all of us when what we know about God and his Word – and possibly the person in front of us – doesn’t line up with how we’re feeling. And we’ll discover our feelings seem impossible to overcome. Like my twelve-year-old self on that Sunday morning, we’ll be confronted with the question, “Now what?” My preteen fears didn’t vanish overnight. I memorized 2 Timothy 1:7 and repeated it over and over again before I saw measurable change. I’m still in the trenches of a daily battle to believe that God’s Spirit of “power, love, and self-control” is fully available to me every moment of every day, no matter what the day may hold. The key is to keep asking God for his power, trusting that he never gets tired of my requests (James 1:5), and that he delights to give good things to all who ask him (Luke 11:13). That is who he always has been, and that is who he always will be. Will you join me? 

Posted on by graceutomo12 · 1 Comment

On the Road Again: Embracing Reality

The first  few minutes are flawless. Traffic flows seamlessly on either side of our white Hyundai. The sun dances playfully off the windshield. Then, in a millisecond, everything changes. Maniacal drivers whip past me at the speed of light. My pulse charges and my breathing shallows.  Blood roars like an ocean in both ears. 

“I can’t do this. I have to get out of here – right now!”

But there’s no exit from a vehicle hurtling down the highway at 65 mph. My life – our lives – are in my shaky, sweaty hands. One of which can’t feel the steering wheel. All I can do is force myself to keep breathing and pray that the panic passes quickly.  

When Ivan and I started my driving journey a few months ago, we decided to focus on the essentials and delay freeway driving until I got my license. Looking back, this was the most efficient strategy given Ivan’s busy work schedule and limited amount of time to help me practice. But now that I’m a licensed driver again, we find ourselves caught in an unusual tension between “already” and “not yet.” 

It’s amazing that I can drive at all. If you’d suggested my hopping in the driver’s seat this time last year, we would have written it off as inconceivable due to both my history of seizures and residual neurological deficits. Over the past year, God’s graciously removed the barriers that once made driving out of the question, but the skill remains more mentally and physically draining for me than the average person. 

Although it’s not readily apparent to observers, neurocognitive testing has shown that my brain works about 60% harder to process input and produce output than a healthy brain. We’d previously discovered that driving to and from an activity added another layer of fatigue for which I needed to account. And, as I’ve experienced since venturing onto the freeway with Ivan in recent weeks, driving at high speeds seems to exacerbate that deficit. The good news is that, with patience and practice, we believe I’ll be able to adjust to this, just like I learned to steer the car without feeling my left hand and also increased my mental stamina by driving in town whenever possible.

In the meantime, this unanticipated challenge is presenting an opportunity to be thankful for what the Lord has already given, and to continue waiting on his timing. I’d imagined a seamless transition from getting my license to zipping across the Bay Area at will. Awkward conversations that begin, “Well, I do drive now, but I’m still not comfortable on freeways …could we choose a different location?” never crossed my mind. This is challenging me to be honest about my weakness, and trust that God will use this inconvenience in both my life and the lives of those I’d like to meet with, although it’s humbling to keep asking for accommodations after I’d anticipated being completely independent. On the flip side, this discomfort is also good motivation for Ivan and me to keep practicing freeway driving, in the hopes that one day I will be able to navigate safely on my own.

Re-learning to drive on the freeway as an adult is unusual, but the fear of being honest, or falling short in some other way, are struggles we all face. So is discovering that a much-anticipated blessing also contains hidden snags. While it’s easy to focus our energy on engineering our ideal outcome, the truth is that God sovereignly orchestrates the exact circumstances that are best for our good and his glory. Perhaps we would not depend on God as much if life were more comfortable. Perhaps there’s sin in our hearts he’s using difficult circumstances to reveal. Or perhaps he’s simply employing a season of testing or waiting to reveal himself in ways we could not experience otherwise. 

For me, I’ve been convicted of my tendency to forget about past blessings (like being able to drive at all) and fixate on what I wish were different now. I’ve also noticed how often I worry what other people think of me and seek to justify myself. Finally, I see how much I need to grow in contentment and embrace the season God has me in currently. As much as God’s graciously given back over the past eighteen months, my body continues to function at a level that is different from most people’s. However, that shouldn’t be a reason for frustration. God can continue working in my life as he sees fit, but I want to trust that whatever he chooses to do will be the very best for my good and his glory.  

Posted on by graceutomo12 · 5 Comments

Immanuel, Revisited

“O Come, O Come, Immanuel,” is one of my favorite Christmas carols. A musical child, I was first arrested by its haunting melody.  Later, its plaintive lyrics resonated with my teenage contemplations. As an adult, I’m even more captivated by these elements and also heartened by the final stanza’s call for Christ to return and right the world once and for all.

But as I consider what “Immanuel” – God with us  – has meant to me over the years, I’ve also come to realize Mary and Joseph’s experience of God’s presence was likely different from what we imagine.  

The gospel of Luke tells us that Joseph and Mary traveled to Bethlehem to comply with a Roman census, where Mary gave birth to Jesus in a stable because the inns were full. While this chain of events fulfilled the prophecy that Jesus would be born in Bethlehem, there’s no prophecy stating Jesus had to be born in a stable. 

Mary got an angelic message announcing she would bear the Savior of the world, and Joseph got a dream reassuring him that Mary’s child was the Son of God, not the result of her infidelity. But neither of them got additional information on the specifics surrounding Jesus’ birth. Instead, as Mary’s time approached, they found themselves faced with a 90-mile trek teeming with wild animals and robbers, not to mention the possibility that Mary could give birth along the way. 

Furthermore, have you considered the social pressure they must have endured throughout Mary’s pregnancy? Unwed motherhood carried the death penalty in biblical times. Although Mary and Joseph could infer from their angelic messages that Mary’s life would be spared, her survival wouldn’t have protected them from severe stigma.

Giving birth in a stable after an arduous, 90-mile trek and nine months of false accusations (or worse), must have felt like rock bottom for Joseph and Mary, even if they’d been told their baby would be the savior of the world. It’s also interesting that as far as we know they never saw the “heavenly hosts” that appeared to the shepherds, or the star that guided the wise men. Nevertheless, I’m sure that visitors who joyfully acknowledged their baby’s identity were a welcome relief.

But it’s also relevant to note that the historical story of Joseph, Mary, and Jesus doesn’t end at the manger. The gospel of Matthew tells us that the wise men alerted King Herod to the fact that there was potentially a new “king of the Jews” on the scene, and he ruthlessly murdered all baby boys under 2 years old in Bethlehem.

But what did the massacre mean for Joseph and Mary? Although Matthew tells us an angel alerted Joseph ahead of time, and the family escaped to Egypt, have you imagined what their exile must have been like? They’d just endured the stigma of an unwed pregnancy and given birth in horrific conditions, only to receive unlooked-for encouragement through supernatural intervention. Just when things were starting to look brighter, Mary and Joseph found themselves fleeing to a foreign country – and not just any foreign country, but one with almost a thousand years of animosity toward their own. A place where no one spoke their language, let alone worshiped their God. Mentioning their son was going to be the Savior of the world was off the table.

My point in highlighting these aspects of the Christmas story is not to make things sound unduly negative, but to suggest that our concept of what “God with us” means could be broadened. Mary and Joseph had at least four direct supernatural encounters (the visit from the angel Gabriel and Joseph’s three dreams), and the incredible privilege of watching Jesus grow from infancy to adulthood. But these supernatural events occurred relatively close together, and we know little about the rest of their lives.

In my own life, although God has worked supernaturally twice, I still deal with physical limitations and relational stressors that have made recent months challenging. When we’re discouraged, it’s easy to focus on the high points – whether the ones we read about in Scripture, or see around us – and compare our assumptions of God’s presence in others’ lives with our experience of God’s presence in our own. The truth is God is always with us, whether we feel him there or not. 

Luke 2:19 tells us, “But Mary kept all these things in her heart, and she thought about them often.”

Most likely, Jesus looked and acted like a regular baby, at least initially. Raising her first child in a hostile foreign country couldn’t have been easy.  But Mary had seen God’s power displayed unmistakably, and she was committed to renewing her mind. 

Whatever this season holds for each of us, I pray we will make a practice of calling to mind what God has already done, both as revealed in Scripture as well as in our own lives and the lives of those we love.

O come, desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease
And be Thyself our King of peace

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

Posted on by graceutomo12 · 6 Comments

Where the Pressure Lies: Reflections on 8 Years

Today marks the eighth anniversary of my accident. Comparing December 3rd, 2024, with December 3rd, 2023, I can honestly say that God has radically transformed my life. Today, I no longer have seizures or experience severe spiritual warfare. I recently got my driver’s license. I continue re-learning to play violin. Although I still face severe migraines and other neurological deficits, my quality of life looks drastically different from what I could have imagined 365 days ago. But these divine interventions also beg the question, What about the suffering and uncertainty we endured during those first seven years?

From a human perspective, it would have seemed more humane for God to heal my seizures immediately, or at least shortly after they started, rather than allowing us to agonize over possible causes and cures for so long. Not to mention the social isolation we experienced due to my severe light sensitivity. Since I’m not God, I can’t say with certainty why he chose to act the way he did, but I have a few guesses: 

  1. Exhausting our human medical options forced us to look to God alone for our “daily bread,” whether that took the form of healing, partial improvement, or just the grace to endure joyfully no matter our outward circumstances. 
  2. Our intense suffering increased our empathy for others’ hidden hurts. Seizures are invisible unless they’re happening, and brain injury deficits and stroke fatigue are even more subtle. They may not manifest until hours after I’ve been pushed past my limits. Depending on how far I’ve been stretched, I may have to spend a day or two recovering. These “invisible” challenges increased my awareness that others might also be experiencing secret pain, whether physical or emotional.
  3. Those years of suffering drove home that God is both sovereign and kind, no matter how he chose to work in our lives. While we knew he could end our suffering at any time, the most straightforward path seemed like a medical intervention. However, we also knew a couple of people with seizures who were unable to find a medical solution, and eventually decided this must be God’s plan for us as well. But no matter how our earthly lives unfolded, we were still certain that God was good, kind, and for us because he’d already provided eternal salvation through Jesus’ death on the cross. The Apostle Paul writes:  

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?  Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself.” ~ Romans 8:31-33

The promise that God will give us “everything else” means something unique for every person’s story.  In our case, we assumed “everything else” meant spiritual blessings because we’d exhausted all our medical resources. But God was only asking us to wait. It was essential for us to run out of human options so there would be no shadow of a doubt about Who accomplished my healings.

So what does the promise God will give us “everything else” mean for those who’ve lost a loved one, or are facing unemployment, or have endured severe disabilities for decades? God’s thoughts and ways are infinitely higher than ours, and if he is allowing pain in our lives, it is because there is a loving purpose that our pain is somehow his perfect tool to accomplish. If God didn’t hesitate to crush his precious Son on our behalf, then there is no good thing he would withhold from us – if that thing is what we truly need. And if he does withhold it, then there is something about our desire that he sees but we cannot.

This is the hardest lesson that Ivan and I have had to learn over the years. If I’m being honest, I haven’t learned it yet. But I hope I learn it a little bit more with each trial God allows. This quote from Hudson Taylor, a 19th century missionary to China, continues to encourage me in moments of pain and weakness:

“It does not matter how great the pressure is. What really matters is where the pressure lies – whether it comes between you and God, or whether it presses it you nearer His heart.”

Thank you all so much for praying for us and walking with us for the past eight years! We’re so grateful for your love and support, and can’t wait to see what the next year will bring!