Last week I turned 33. One of the most obvious lessons from my accident that I remember every year was that we cannot take life for granted and only God knows what a day may hold. But this birthday was particularly significant because I was 23 when I was hit by the car. So it was even more impactful to consider both how much we’ve been through in the past ten years and how much God has restored. Psalm 103 is one of my favorite psalms:

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and all that is within me,
    bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
    who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
    who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

I think it’s significant that in addition to being my birth month, March is also TBI Awareness Month. Although God has done amazing healing in my life, He’s also allowed the brain injury to remain. As a counselor, I describe it as the “context” for many practical and relational issues we navigate in daily life. The good news is that there are now long stretches of time when we’re not acutely aware of the presence of TBI. However, when I increase my activity or encounter certain complex relational challenges, we hit seasons that require a lot of wisdom and skill to navigate in a way that is healthy for both of us. Re-learning to drive, periodically planning events for writing and music, and increasing my ministry capacity at church are examples of relatively recent situations that have reminded us of my underlying TBI and are still challenging us to grow toward God and each other.

I’d like to close with an excerpt from a joint blog post we wrote for my publisher, Shepherd Press, in honor of TBI Awareness Month:

Ivan: God has grown me in many ways over the last nine years. Just as He sovereignly introduced TBI into Grace’s life, He also added the role of caregiver into mine. I’ve seen how conflating the roles of “husband” and “caregiver” can cause confusion and even hurt. Through experience, Grace and I have  grown in seeking God’s wisdom to discern which aspects of our interactions have been affected by TBI, and which have not. Through this process, our desire has been to view each other more and more as God does, because He looks not at outward appearances but at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). TBI can distort certain daily interactions depending on the location and severity of the injury, but it cannot change that a person’s heart has already been filled with God’s Holy Spirit. Even in the middle of a TBI storm, God always holds His children’s hands securely in His. May He find childlike faith in each of our hearts as we walk with Him through TBI and beyond! 

Grace: Before my accident, I was incredibly performance-driven. On the positive side, this helped me to excel at music, academics, and work, but it also deeply affected the way I related to God and people. While I wish I could say this is no longer a struggle for me, I am very grateful for how the Lord has used TBI to strip away many worldly achievements on which I used to build my identity. My years of recovery taught me to cry out to Him in prayer and also depend on Him in daily life in a deeper way than I believe would have occurred if I had continued on my former trajectory. He has also used it to reveal the motivations of my heart, and is continuing to reveal people and pursuits that I am worshiping before Him. While He graciously blessed me with a much fuller recovery than was initially expected, my residual TBI deficits remind me that He is the only One Who is truly unlimited. He is jealous for the Spirit He has placed within me, and He is always faithful to draw near when I cry out to Him. He draws near based on His character and promises, not my performance (James 4:5-8).

Thank you for taking this brief journey with us! Whether or not you have been impacted by TBI, we pray our story will strengthen your faith and help you grow in your walk with the Lord!