Last month marked the two year anniversary of Walking with Grace. It’s amazing to reflect on all that God has done in the past two years. We’ve had the privilege of meeting so many people, and sharing how God has worked in our lives. I’ve started playing violin again, and we released our second book, Hello, God, in May. We’re hoping to hold another recital in person this January, so stay tuned!

It’s also crazy that Ivan and I are approaching 10 years of marriage this December. A decade seems like a long time, but given my accident and years of battling seizures, we both commented that we feel more like newlyweds! Much of this year has been focused on slowing down, taking stock of where we’re at in our relationship with the Lord and each other, how much we’ve learned, and more importantly how far we have yet to go.

That’s why I’ve been meditating on this verse from Psalm 51:

“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.”

Psalm 51:10

I think it’s an interesting contrast, especially for those of us who’ve been believers for a long time. Whether or not we’re repenting of grievous sin like David was, it’s interesting to consider why he pairs these requests.

He could have simply asked God to cleanse his heart, but asking God to “create” a clean heart sounds more like starting from scratch. However, in the next line, the word “renew” highlights that he’s not coming to God for the first time, or in our modern language “becoming a Christian.” 

Perhaps this paradox can be explained by the parallelisms that occur in Hebrew poetry, but I think it also captures the experience that many of us encounter when we run into a problem or sin that seems so overwhelming it can only be solved by God giving us a heart transplant. Yet that verse’s second half, “renew a steadfast spirit” acknowledges the reality that sometimes this happens even when we’ve been walking with him for a long time.

Ultimately, our hope for continued transformation does not lie in our own willpower. Although David was writing in the Old Testament, he pleads “take not your Holy Spirit from me” in verse 11. His experience of the Holy Spirit was different from ours. However, he knew that his ability to overcome sin was not due to his own strength, but God‘s enabling presence and power. This is even more true for us today after Jesus’ resurrection (John 14:16-24).

While I hope few of us hit lows as deep as David’s, I think the desire for a “new heart” is relatively common, and I love that God in his wisdom prompted David to pair the request to create a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit – two actions we might consider mutually exclusive – in the same verse.

For Ivan and me, we’re extremely grateful for all God has done in our lives, but we can also be tempted to feel like we should be further along relationally or spiritually. Meditating on David’s life and how he was called “the man after God’s own heart” although his trajectory was far from linear, and pondering how this single verse brings so much insight to the complexities of sanctification has been greatly encouraging. I hope it will encourage you as well!