The story of my life right now.

Hi everyone! First off, I want to say thank you SO much for all the extra love, prayers, and support you’ve poured out on us during the last 3+ weeks! It continues to amaze and humble me each time God reminds me just how powerfully His love can work through our friends and family.

I’d originally hoped to have recovery progress, or a treatment plan, or a timeline (preferably all three!) to share with this post, but unfortunately those are yet to come. In the meantime I’m grateful for how much “overtime” Ivan and my parents are putting in to take care of medical/insurance logistics and to keep me safe at home. Talk about “laying up treasure in Heaven!”

This morning I revisited a story about Jesus healing a man who was lame. (It’s in John 5 if you want to check it out!) The story begins with Jesus seeing a lame man and asking him ” Would you like to get well?” I’ve always thought this was an odd way to start a conversation with a disabled person. Is there anyone on earth who would really answer “No thanks…I’m really quite happy being [insert debilitating ailment].” But this most recent experience is helping me understand Jesus’ question better.

I’ve always wanted to get better, and I’ve always had a perception of what that would (or at least should) entail. This most recent setback was absolutely 100% not on my list, and I find myself asking “God, when is it going to be enough already? Wasn’t it hard enough with the old seizure lifestyle?” It’s funny how that “old” seizure lifestyle is starting to look pretty great compared to the new one.

My family has been solid enough to remind me that this disappointing downturn looks to be God’s way of pointing me towards new specialists at a new facility…and therefore toward a new chance to get well. God makes no pointless decisions, but I do have to decide how open I am to His way of getting well. His way is certainly not my way right now, and I don’t know what His final version of “well” will be for me. What I do know is that I need to wake up each morning and try to answer Jesus’ question with a “yes,” even if His way of getting well involves yet another trial that I don’t want for myself or my family.

Yes, I do really want to get well. Yes, Jesus already knows what His perfect version of “well” will look like.

And in the meantime, there’s always The Princess Bride

 

2 thoughts on “Waiting for “Better” during “Worse”

  1. I’m so sorry that your seizures have gotten worse. I’m sure it is hard not to question why? But you seem to have such a positive outlook on life as you know it. But my prayers for you are that you will find some answers with a new doctor and facility and begin feeling much better. Oh, how I want that for you.

    Like

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