My last post ended with the word “thrive.” A different writer might substitute “die” for “thrive” since unsolved neurological disorders have kept me indoors for the last 18 months. But I can assure you that my word choice was no mistake. While God may have limited my tolerance to most things connected to a battery or electrical socket, He’s still provided a special kind of light to brighten my days at home.

Ivan and my parents report that one of the questions they hear most frequently is “What does she do all day?” That’s fair enough, given that I live with most of our apartment lights switched off and rarely venture into the great outdoors. But I also can’t just sit staring at the wall all day, and I most certainly never have. I can and have been taking online college courses.

Two years ago my occupational therapist suggested I take an online course at a community college. The purpose was twofold: I needed more structure in my day, and she needed to evaluate my cognitive ability. My goal was to keep up with homework assignments and score a C or higher. I enrolled in a literature class since literary translation had been one of my minors and…let’s just say I scored higher than a C. We also discovered schoolwork was easier on my brain than social activities because I could take a break the moment I began to feel tired, whereas long conversations required more energy and endurance. Keeping my brain well-rested became essential as my seizures grew more and more serious.

When therapy and the online course ended around the same time, both Ivan and I agreed that I should keep taking classes. Not only had I fallen back in love with literature, but my need to stay occupied was even greater now that leaving home was almost a thing of the past.

But I never do anything by halves.

Not only did I keep taking classes, but I also convinced Ivan to let me enroll in an actual English degree program at our old school, California Baptist University. If I was going to keep taking classes in a subject I loved, why not work toward a larger goal? I’d already completed all my general education requirements during my first bachelor’s degree, so it was only a matter of more literature courses – and some creative writing, too!

Ivan doubted the sanity of my venture at its outset but graciously agreed to a trial quarter. When I got A’s, he told me to keep running. I can honestly say that school became my lifeline as the months slid by. It might have been true that I couldn’t do more than twenty minutes of schoolwork at a time. It might also have been true that those assignments were at the university level, and that I initially didn’t tell the faculty about my brain injury since I didn’t want pity grades. But it was absolutely, 100% true that those twenty minute chunks added up to success, and that they lifted my mood, filled my days, and expanded my intellect. Yes, in spite of being a prisoner in my own apartment, I was thriving.

And then the big seizures hit.

Listening to podcasts, keeping up with reading assignments, and writing papers became a lot less feasible once I had to sleep for hours after every seizure. I suddenly felt like I was earning a college degree in time management as well as a college degree in English. Thankfully my time at Stanford reduced the severity of my actual seizures, but the migraine disorder made attempting any sort of schoolwork even more daunting. Very. Very. Long. Breaks.

These past quarters would have seemed like the logical time to quit if ever there was one. But the truth is that God has brought something into my life that I love passionately. I hope it’s obvious how much I love writing. After all, I have maintained a blog for 2 1/2 years now! But I love the process of school and studying literature just as much. Physical lights may be fading from my life, and I’m not sure how they’ll come back, but God’s given me a mental and creative light that thrives in my (literally) darkest shadows. I haven’t felt this fulfilled since the last time I played a violin concerto.

Speaking of writing, I’ll be writing more in addition to the blog now that I’m done with Stanford. More coming later…

Hello, everyone! It feels amazing to be back on the blog again…I definitely missed y’all over the summer, but my brain also definitely needed a breather while we were at Stanford. 🙂

Now that we’re reunited, I’d like to lead us down a bit of a different path. Ivan and I started this blog in early 2017 believing it would be a short-term continuation of his initial Facebook updates. (For those of you who joined us later in our journey, Ivan began posting Facebook updates on my condition within the first day or so after the accident.) Your amazing support and enthusiasm transformed a short-term experiment into a long-term staple of my recovery and…here we are today! I still can’t believe we’re approaching our third “accidentiversary.”

Every recovery is different, and mine seems to have ended with seizures and long-term migraines. I’ve seen literally the best neurologists around (praise God!), and am grateful for all they’ve done for me. Remember how y’all were praying that I wouldn’t have seizures where I almost stop breathing? Well, God used Stanford to answer that prayer and I don’t have seizures like that anymore. Why I ended the summer with another bizarre brain scenario (2 and 3 week long migraines), I will never comprehend, but at least I was seeing highly trained neuroscientists when it developed! Does it feel unfair to be limited by severe neurological conditions after all this time? Absolutely. But numberless other people around the globe are also limited by “unfair” health problems. And my very good God knows why.

My very good God has also given me a blog with a fantastic readership that has walked with me for over 2 1/2 years! My neurological conditions are so complex that I will probably always have occasional complications or developments, so Ivan and I will continue sharing updates as needed. But for the most part, I want to write less as a patient than as a recovered twenty-six year-old. I’d like to invite you to continue walking with me as I take on this new writer-ship to explore the humor and the challenges God sends my way as I inhabit a world that wasn’t exactly custom made just for me.

So, with this new angle in mind: How did I thrive while being trapped inside a 700 square foot apartment for the past 7 months? How am I thriving now? And yes, I used the word “thrive.” Stay tuned! 🙂

Hello everyone! Happy mid-August. Grace and I have some updates for you all, so here we go!

Grace has finished her appointments with the specialist at Stanford. We’re grateful that a new medication from the Stanford doctor has improved Grace’s seizures so that when she encounters a light trigger, her body no longer goes completely limp. Her left hand still locks up though.

However, starting around May Grace has experienced migraines that come regularly after seizures. At worst these migraines have lasted 15 days, during which time Grace experiences intense pain, light and sound sensitivity, and nausea, despite multiple migraine medicines. Since these migraines can take days before they subside, every new seizure that occurs during a migraine prolongs the total migraine length.

Grace’s doctor at Stanford has recommended that we connect with further specialists back at Kaiser, so our relationship with members of the medical community continues to blossom. Doctors still don’t know exactly what’s causing Grace’s brain to do what it does. The plan is to continue to gather data in the hopes of finding a treatment plan that can address Grace’s sensitivity to light triggers.

So thank you for continuing to pray for us! God uses you all to sustain us on our journey. He is always able to do for His children more than any of us can ever imagine. He is always greater than anything this world can throw at us. Thank you all and to God be the glory!